Biff

Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Em

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268795

Category: Business & Economics

Page: N.A

View: 2331

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We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect... Has anyone ever told you: “It’s all YOUR fault!” “You should be ashamed of yourself!” “You’re a disgrace to your _________________!” [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank] “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?” And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave? It’s Not About You! Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it” – hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems. When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others – what I call their “targets of blame” – which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: Attack, defend – and attack again. I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think. To deal with them successfully requires a shift in how you think about them - so that you know what not to do, as well as what to do. Your BIFF responses will be better if you know this. HCPs have a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. It may be part of their personalities – how they automatically and unconsciously think, feel and behave – and they carry this pattern with them. They tend to have a lot of: - All-or-nothing thinking (one person is all good, another is all bad) - Unmanaged emotions (exaggerated anger, fear, sadness – out of proportion to events) - Extreme behavior (yelling, hitting, lying, spreading rumors, impulsive actions, etc.) - Preoccupation with blaming others (people close to them or people in authority) To HCPs, it seems normal and necessary to intensely blame others. They can’t restrain themselves, even though their blaming may harm themselves as well. When problems and conflicts arise, instead of looking for solutions, HCPs look for someone to blame. They think that it must be all your fault or else it might appear to be all their fault – and they can’t cope with that possibility for psychological reasons. They become preoccupied with blaming others in order to escape being blamed themselves. But you can’t point this out to them, because they become even more defensive. To HCPs, conflict often feels like a life or death struggle. They feel that their survival is at stake, so that they often show unmanaged emotions and extreme behaviors – even in routine conflicts or under normal pressures. You don’t need to figure out whether someone is a high-conflict person. If you suspect someone is an HCP, just respond more carefully and understand that the person may have less self-control than you do. BIFF responses are a good method for coping with HCPs – and you can use them with anyone!

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268752

Category: Law

Page: 260

View: 7102

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People with high conflict personalities (HCPs) clog our courts as plaintiffs with inappropriate claims against their personal "targets of blame," and as defendants who have harmed others and need to be stopped. Everybody knows someone with a High Conflict Personality. "How can he be so unreasonable?" "Why does she keep fighting? Can't she see how destructive she is?" "Can you believe they're going to court over ______?" Some HCPs are more difficult than others, but they tend to share a similar preoccupation with blame that drives them into one dispute after another—and keeps everyone perplexed about how to deal with them. Using case examples and an analysis of the general litigation and negotiation behaviors of HCPs, this book helps make sense of the fears that drive people to file lawsuits and complaints. It provides insight for containing their behavior while managing and/or resolving their disputes. Characteristics of the five "high-conflict" personality disorders are explored: Borderline Narcissistic Histrionic Paranoid Antisocial Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and President of the High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory and is an international expert on the subject. He is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center. He has taught at the University of San Diego School of Law, is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College, and lectures at Monash University in Australia.

Splitting

Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Author: Randi Kreger,Bill Eddy

Publisher: New Harbinger Publications

ISBN: 9781608824724

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 304

View: 2822

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Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way. Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way. Turn to this guide to help you: Predict what your spouse may do or say in court Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking Choose a lawyer who understands your case Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you

It's All Your Fault!

12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything

Author: William A. Eddy,Bill Eddy

Publisher: Unhooked Books

ISBN: 1936268027

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 368

View: 2362

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Explains in easy-to-understand terminology, the behaviors of people with personality disorders or with traits, particularly blaming, irrational and impulsive behaviors.

Don't Alienate the Kids!

Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268485

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 322

View: 3991

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Don't Alienate the Kids! is a fresh examination of the child alienation problem from the perspective of a lawyer/therapist/mediator, who also trains judges on managing high-conflict disputes. Author Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., doesn't just analyze the debate (Parental Alienation Syndrome vs. Child Abuse Presumption); he also proposes his own theory of "1000 Little Bricks," based on recent breakthroughs in brain research about how children learn. In his theory, there are no bad parents, just bad behaviors - the behaviors of both parents, family members, friends and divorce professionals. Most of these bad behaviors go unrecognized in daily life, but they help build a Wall of Alienation between a parent and child. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. This is a book for any parent even considering a divorce, and for any professional who wants to truly help parents raise resilient children. Bill Eddy's other books include: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, It's All Your Fault!, Managing High Conflict People in Court, BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns. He is also developed the New Ways for Families method for handling high-conflict custody disputes.

So, What's Your Proposal?

Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds!

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: Unhooked Books

ISBN: 9781936268627

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 157

View: 5228

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An amazingly simple technique for getting high-conflict people to stop blaming others, and instead join in finding solutions to problems.

Joint Custody with a Jerk

Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex: A Hands-on, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse

Author: Julie A. Ross, M.A.,Judy Corcoran

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 0312584202

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 294

View: 7347

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Offers advice and communication techniques for dealing with common problems commonly faced by divorced couples who share custody of a child.

Managing High Conflict People in Court

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: Unhooked Books

ISBN: 1936268019

Category: Law

Page: 60

View: 1899

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This book is designed for judicial officers to use in managing people with high conflict personalities in any courtroom, with an emphasis on family court litigants. This easy-to-read booklet provides judicial officers with accurate and authoritative information about the subject matters covered. It describes general principles and suggestions for judicial officers to immediately put into practice.

It's All Your Fault at Work!

Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

Author: Bill Eddy,L. Georgi DiStefano

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268671

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 260

View: 1322

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No, it’s not just your imagination—more and more people in the workplace today have high-conflict personalities. Co-workers, clients, even bosses are behaving in narcissistic or bullying ways, choosing targets and then placing blame on them, treating them with disdain, or otherwise acting in aggressive, inappropriate ways. Some go so far as to spread damaging rumors, harass, or directly sabotage their targets, among other extreme behaviors. These are not people who are just having an occasional bad day; these are people who display a repeated pattern of high-conflict behavior. And they aren’t just difficult; they are the most difficult of people. They can make your life at work stressful, frustrating, and extremely challenging. The good news is that their behavior is not about you—it’s about them. What’s more, you can learn strategies and techniques to deal with them more effectively at work. Based on Bill Eddy’s high-conflict personality theory, he and co-author, L. Georgi DiStefano, expertly define the problem so you can recognize potential high-conflict people (HCPs) in your own work life. They describe the key characteristics of HCPs and the typical behavior patterns of five main types of high-conflict personalities. Then they walk you through their proactive approach for minimizing conflict and keeping interactions with HCPs as peaceful as possible. You’ll learn about—and see examples of—how to use a simple, proven four-step method to help calm HCPs, analyze your options, respond to hostility, and set limits on extreme behavior. While you cannot ultimately change someone else’s personality, you can adapt your own behavior and respond to the person in different ways that make things better at work for yourself, the high-conflict person, and your organization.

5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

Author: N.A

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 0143131362

Category: Conflict management

Page: 208

View: 2362

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Do you know someone whose emotions flip-flop from one moment to the next? Do they seem suspicious or jealous of others or antagonize you for no reason? You might be dealing with a high-conflict personality. 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Lifeis about people who are beyond difficult. When a high-conflict personality coincides with one of five common personality disorders--Borderline, Narcissistic, Paranoid, Antisocial, or Histrionic--they lash out in dangerous extremes of emotion and aggression. High-conflict personalities can seem charming and trustworthy for years, until one day they verbally attack you, attempt to ruin your reputation, or even threaten you with physical harm. HCPs blame everyone but themselves for their difficulties in life, and once they decide to target you, they're hard to shake. Bill Eddy, a law professor with extensive experience as a conflict mediator and therapist, will teach you to protect yourself from these attacks. With helpful anecdotes and expert advice, Eddy explains the warning signs of each high-conflict personality and how to avoid them using easy, proven conflict management methods and mediation techniques. With5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Lifeyou'll learn to safely manage or break free from a relationship with an HCP and safeguard your reputation and personal life in the process.

Dating Radar

Why Your Brain Says Yes To "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell

Author: Bill Eddy,Megan Hunter

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268132

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 185

View: 1940

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Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person – sometimes more than once? While most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success, in reality these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and short-sighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar—it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing: 1. Warning signs of certain personalities that can spell relationship danger 2. Ways they can jam your radar (deceive you) 3. Where your own blind spots might be Attorney, mediator, and social worker Bill Eddy and relationship expert Megan Hunter equip readers to see through the blinding haze of new love and spot potential toxic relationships before it’s too late!

The Future of Family Court

Structure, Skills and Less Stress

Author: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268507

Category: Law

Page: 112

View: 2429

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The Future of Family Court is designed for judicial officers with an emphasis on applying lessons learned from the field of mental health to the family court system, especially when working with parents with personality disorders or traits. Written from Bill Eddy’s perspective as a family lawyer and mental health professional, and as a trainer of judges in managing high-conflict people in court, he provides tips on what individual judges can do, rather than recommending sweeping changes in the court system or creating new players in the decision-making process. The court is in a good position to prevent child stress from the start or to reduce it by mandating efforts for positive change by their parents – from ordering parenting programs and classes, to setting limits on emotional attacks during the hearing process. Judges who apply the principles described in this book should feel a much better sense of control over their courtrooms and less stress, as the families are doing more of the work, practicing conflict resolution skills that will help them raise their children out of court, or showing each other’s patterns of behavior to more accurately see what needs attention and protective orders.

Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate

Author: Edward Farber

Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group

ISBN: 1608324206

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 224

View: 2490

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Dr. Farber, a child psychologist on the clinical faculty of the George Washington University School of medicine, offers powerful advice for you and your ex-spouse on how to reduce conflict and protect your children's well-being by co-parenting.

Get Momentum

How to Start When You're Stuck

Author: Jason W. Womack,Jodi Womack

Publisher: John Wiley & Sons

ISBN: 1119180279

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 160

View: 7996

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A powerful and personalized process to improve your life and advance your career Do you sometimes feel stuck, despite real efforts to gain momentum on goals you’ve set? Momentum means you’re doing more than simply getting things done. It’s that feeling of satisfaction, the belief that you can achieve big goals and complete important projects that fulfill you both personally and professionally. Get Momentum coaches you in the mindset, skill set, and toolkit required to make progress on the items you have on your life and work goals faster and easier, while living a less stressful, more meaningful life. The authors, Jodi Womack and her husband Jason Womack, provide valuable insights into the psychology of change and how to direct your focus to experience fulfillment at work and in life. The authors share what they know having built a successful executive coaching firm together, as well as facilitating leadership workshops in their home town and more than twenty countries around the world. Contrary to the promise of many self-help/business books, they believe there is no one-size-fits-all recipe for success.Get Momentum teaches you how to make proactive changes based on the solid foundation of your own “quality of life” criteria. Jodi and Jason offer clear, step-by-step guidance on how to define your personal criteria so that you can Get Momentum, improve your life and enhance your career. You will learn how to: Answer the Call (What to do when you say “Someone should do something about this!") Organize a Team and Gain the Perspective of People You Trust Measure Something (Just Not Everything At Once) Experiment Specifically and Practice Deliberately Build Momentum, Recognize Your Wins, and Pay It Forward With kindness, accountability and encouragement, Get Momentum will help you tap into your natural way of being to achieve professional goals and personal experiences that are on your bucket list, living a life you’re proud to share with others.

We Can Work It Out

Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully

Author: Marshall Rosenberg

Publisher: PuddleDancer Press

ISBN: 1934336084

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 32

View: 4384

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The tenets of "Nonviolent Communication" are applied to a variety of settings, including the classroom and the home, in these booklets on how to resolve conflict peacefully. Illustrative exercises, sample stories, and role-playing activities offer the opportunity for self-evaluation, discovery, and application. Applying the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process to conflict resolution inspires peaceful collaboration by focusing on the unmet needs that lie at the root of any given conflict. Practical techniques help mediators and participants to find the heart of the conflict and use genuine cooperation to reach resolutions that meet everyone's needs.

Derivatives Analytics with Python - Data Analytics, Models, Simulation, Calibration and Hedging + WS

Author: Yves Hilpisch

Publisher: John Wiley & Sons

ISBN: 1119037999

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 352

View: 9758

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Derivatives Analytics with Python: Data Analysis, Models, Simulation, Calibration and Hedging provides the necessary background information, theoretical foundations and numerical tools to implement a market-based valuation of stock index options. Topics are, amongst others, stylized facts of equity and options markets, risk-neutral valuation, Fourier transform methods, Monte Carlo simulation, model calibration, valuation and dynamic hedging. The financial models introduced in this book exhibit features like stochastic volatility, jump components and stochastic short rates. The approach is a practical one in that all important aspects are illustrated by a set of self-contained Python scripts. Benefits of Reading the Book: Data Analysis: Learn how to use Python for data and financial analysis. Reproduce major stylized facts of equity and options markets by yourself. Models: Learn risk-neutral pricing techniques from ground up, apply Fourier transform techniques to European options and advanced Monte Carlo pricing to American options. Simulation: Monte Carlo simulation is the most powerful and flexible numerical method for derivatives analytics. Simulate models with jumps, stochastic volatility and stochastic short rates. Calibration: Use global and local optimization techniques (incl. penalties) to calibrate advanced option pricing models to market quotes for options with different strikes and maturities. Hedging: Learn how to use advanced option pricing models in combination with advanced numerical methods to dynamically hedge American options. Python: All results, graphics, etc. presented are in general reproducible with the Python scripts accompanying the book. Benefit from more than 5,500 lines of code.

Splitting America

How Politicians, Super Pacs and the News Media Mirror High Conflict Divorce

Author: Bill Eddy,Donald Saposnek

Publisher: High Conflict Inst

ISBN: 9781936268528

Category: Political Science

Page: 162

View: 5670

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Splitting America is for anyone who is disturbed by the current political situation and wants to do something about it!

Trump Bubbles

The Dramatic Rise and Fall of High-Conflict Politicians

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268116

Category: Political Science

Page: 103

View: 5522

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Trump Bubbles: The Dramatic Rise and Fall of High-Conflict Politicians is the first book to really explain the rise and fall of Donald Trump, candidate for President of the United States of America. What’s a trump bubble? It’s when emotions trump thinking in politics. When fear trumps facts. When leader love trumps logic. Donald Trump is the most recent trump bubble, but trump bubbles have occurred before and will again. Remember the dot.com bust of 2000? The housing and stock market bubbles that burst in 2008? They were held up by “irrational exuberance." Now there’s the Donald Trump Bubble. People love him or hate him or are totally confused. However, he is quite predictable, if you understand high-conflict personalities. Trump Bubbles explains the rise-and-fall pattern of high-conflict politicians, focusing on the case of Donald Trump and the questions people ask: • Why do people compare him to Adolf Hitler in the 1920’s? • Why do people defend him despite his outrageous statements and beliefs? • Will he become reasonable if he ever becomes President? • Does he have narcissistic personality disorder? • Will he settle on a set of policies, or will he keep changing impulsively? • Could he be a good thing for American politics? • Would he start World War III? • How do you stop trump bubbles once they start? • What happens when a trump bubble bursts? To answer these questions, the author relies on social science, psychology and history, as well as his years of training professionals in dealing with high-conflict personalities and situations. It’s a beautiful thing!

It's All Your Fault at Work!

Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

Author: Bill Eddy,L. Georgi DiStefano

Publisher: BookBaby

ISBN: 1936268671

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 260

View: 5653

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No, it’s not just your imagination—more and more people in the workplace today have high-conflict personalities. Co-workers, clients, even bosses are behaving in narcissistic or bullying ways, choosing targets and then placing blame on them, treating them with disdain, or otherwise acting in aggressive, inappropriate ways. Some go so far as to spread damaging rumors, harass, or directly sabotage their targets, among other extreme behaviors. These are not people who are just having an occasional bad day; these are people who display a repeated pattern of high-conflict behavior. And they aren’t just difficult; they are the most difficult of people. They can make your life at work stressful, frustrating, and extremely challenging. The good news is that their behavior is not about you—it’s about them. What’s more, you can learn strategies and techniques to deal with them more effectively at work. Based on Bill Eddy’s high-conflict personality theory, he and co-author, L. Georgi DiStefano, expertly define the problem so you can recognize potential high-conflict people (HCPs) in your own work life. They describe the key characteristics of HCPs and the typical behavior patterns of five main types of high-conflict personalities. Then they walk you through their proactive approach for minimizing conflict and keeping interactions with HCPs as peaceful as possible. You’ll learn about—and see examples of—how to use a simple, proven four-step method to help calm HCPs, analyze your options, respond to hostility, and set limits on extreme behavior. While you cannot ultimately change someone else’s personality, you can adapt your own behavior and respond to the person in different ways that make things better at work for yourself, the high-conflict person, and your organization.

New Ways for Families Parent Workbook

Author: Bill Eddy

Publisher: High Conflict Inst

ISBN: 9781936268054

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 95

View: 4869

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Workbook used by family courts to teach parents the skills necessary to jointly make their parenting decisions out of court.