Moms Who Drink and Swear

True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind

Author: Nicole Knepper

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 110165094X

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 336

View: 8937

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If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

Reinventing Modern Motherhood

Author: Trisha Ashworth,Amy Nobile

Publisher: Chronicle Books

ISBN: 9780811871662

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 176

View: 5060

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I don't know how she does it! is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agree they have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripe--working, stay-at-home, part-time--and found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids diagnoses the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1451673779

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 168

View: 674

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An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.

W(h)ine

50 Perfect Wines to Pair with Your Child's Rotten Behavior

Author: Jennifer Todryk

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 1631063359

Category: Cooking

Page: 128

View: 7955

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This isn't your ordinary wine pairing book--this is wine pairing for the weary parent! Did your daughter just get out of bed for the twelfth time to ask for a glass of water? We've got the perfect ros� for your sanity. Did your son just have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store? We've got a Pinot for your pain. Has your child's math homework left you in a state of total depression? Try a Syrah to get you out of that funk. W(h)ine includes fifty perfect pairings to match your child's perfectly rotten behavior! You'll also discover the best ways to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew (hint: use a shoe). As a bonus, each wine featured in the book comes with a sticker, so every time you sample a wine to match a rotten behavior, go ahead and add it to the Periodic Table of W(h)ine that folds out of the book. The sticker groupings will help you determine if your child has behavior problems, attitude problems, or just plain bad DNA! So whether you like your "juice" from the glass, the bottle, or the box, this is the perfect book to wine your way through the joys of day-to-day parenting.

What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?

The Answers to Life's Everyday Question (in 50 F*@#ing Recipes)

Author: Zach Golden

Publisher: Running Press

ISBN: 0762443677

Category: Cooking

Page: 100

View: 5975

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Don't know what to make for dinner? Is every evening an occasion for duress and deliberation? No more! What the F*@# Should I Make For Dinner? gets everyone off their a**es and in the kitchen. Derived from the incredibly popular website, whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com, the book functions like a “Choose your own adventure” cookbook, with options on each page for another f*@#ing idea for dinner. With 50 recipes to choose from, guided by affrontingly creative navigational prompts, both meat-eaters and vegetarians can get cooking and leave their indecisive selves behind.

Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1476728380

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 176

View: 4811

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From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.

I Heart My Little A-Holes

A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting

Author: Karen Alpert

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062341618

Category: Humor

Page: 304

View: 6968

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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Reasons Mommy Drinks

Author: Lyranda Martin-Evans,Fiona Stevenson

Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)

ISBN: 0385349297

Category: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

Page: 223

View: 5792

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Based on the popular blog, an uproarious collection of essays on the struggles of new motherhood is complemented by cocktail recipes and shares the stories of two award-winning businesswomen who bonded over their love for their babies and mutual bewilderment at the myriad ways their lives were upended. Original.

Maxed Out

American Moms on the Brink

Author: Katrina Alcorn

Publisher: Seal Press

ISBN: 1580055397

Category: Self-Help

Page: 392

View: 1302

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Winner of a Foreword IndieFab Book of the Year Award Katrina Alcorn was a 37-year-old mother with a happy marriage and a thriving career when one day, on the way to Target to buy diapers, she had a breakdown. Her carefully built career shuddered to a halt, and her journey through depression, anxiety, and insomnia—followed by medication, meditation, and therapy—began. Alcorn wondered how a woman like herself, with a loving husband, a supportive boss, three healthy kids, and a good income, was unable to manage the demands of having a career and a family. Over time, she realized that she wasn’t alone; many women were struggling to do it all—and feeling as if they were somehow failing as a result. Mothers are the breadwinners in two-thirds of American families, yet the American workplace is uniquely hostile to the needs of parents. Weaving in surprising research about the dysfunction between the careers and home lives of working mothers, as well as the consequences to women’s health, Alcorn tells a deeply personal story about “having it all,” failing miserably, and what comes after. Ultimately, she offers readers a vision for a healthier, happier, and more productive way to live and work.

The Kickass Single Mom

Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children

Author: Emma Johnson

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 014313115X

Category: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

Page: 288

View: 9715

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When Emma Johnson's husband moved out, leaving her broke, pregnant, and home alone with a toddler, she couldn't find the advice she needed to thrive as a single professional woman and parent. So in 2012, two years after her marriage ended, Johnson launched a blog on her newfound, successful life as a single mom. Now this book will help millions of women confront the naysayers in their lives (and in their own minds) to build a thriving career and achieve financial security, and to reignite their romantic life-all while being a kickass parent to their kids.

Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons

[email protected] It All Year Long

Author: Alicia Ybarbo,Mary Ann Zoellner,Erin Clune

Publisher: Abrams

ISBN: 1613127197

Category: Humor

Page: 176

View: 4620

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The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way. Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser” Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions” Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!” Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School” The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Kasher in the Rye

The True Tale of a White Boy from Oakland Who Became a Drug Addict, Criminal, Mental Patient, and Then Turned 16

Author: Moshe Kasher

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

ISBN: 1455504955

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 320

View: 2308

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Rising young comedian Moshe Kasher is lucky to be alive. He started using drugs when he was just 12. At that point, he had already been in psychoanlysis for 8 years. By the time he was 15, he had been in and out of several mental institutions, drifting from therapy to rehab to arrest to...you get the picture. But KASHER IN THE RYE is not an "eye opener" to the horrors of addiction. It's a hilarious memoir about the absurdity of it all. When he was a young boy, Kasher's mother took him on a vacation to the West Coast. Well it was more like an abduction. Only not officially. She stole them away from their father and they moved to Oakland , California. That's where the real fun begins, in the war zone of Oakland Public Schools. He was more than just out of control-his mother walked him around on a leash, which he chewed through and ran away. Those early years read like part Augusten Burroughs, part David Sedaris, with a touch of Jim Carrol...but a lot more Jewish. In fact, Kasher later spends time in a Brooklyn Hasidic community. Then came addicition... Brutally honest and laugh-out-loud funny, Kasher's first literary endeavor finds humor in even the most horrifying situations.

Alcoholics Anonymous

the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism

Author: Bill W.

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: N.A

Category: Alcoholics

Page: 575

View: 5996

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My Other Ex

Women's True Stories of Losing and Leaving Friends

Author: Jessica Smock,Stephanie Sprenger

Publisher: Herstories Project

ISBN: 9780692272589

Category: Female friendship

Page: 296

View: 6074

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Not all friendships are meant to last forever. There can be so much good, so much power, so much love in female friendships. But there is also a dark side of pain and loss. And surrounding that dark side there is often silence. There is shame, the haunting feeling that the loss of a friendship is a reflection of our own worth and capacity to be loved. My Other Ex: Women's True Stories of Losing and Leaving Friends is a step toward breaking that silence. The brave writers in this engrossing, diverse collection of 35 essays tell their own unique stories of failed friendships and remind us of the universality of loss.

Out of My Mind

Author: Sharon M. Draper

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1416971718

Category: Juvenile Fiction

Page: 320

View: 395

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Considered by many to be mentally retarded, a brilliant, impatient fifth-grader with cerebral palsy discovers a technological device that will allow her to speak for the first time.

The Recovering

Intoxication and Its Aftermath

Author: Leslie Jamison

Publisher: Little, Brown

ISBN: 0316259624

Category: Psychology

Page: 544

View: 7513

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INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER "An astounding triumph . . . Profound . . . Achingly wise . . . A recovery memoir like no other." --Entertainment Weekly (A) "Riveting . . . Beautifully told." --Boston Globe "An honest and important book . . . Vivid writing and required reading." --Stephen King "Perceptive and generous-hearted . . . Uncompromising . . . Jamison is a writer of exacting grace." --Washington Post From the New York Times bestselling author of The Empathy Exams comes this transformative work showing that sometimes the recovery is more gripping than the addiction. With its deeply personal and seamless blend of memoir, cultural history, literary criticism, and reportage, The Recovering turns our understanding of the traditional addiction narrative on its head, demonstrating that the story of recovery can be every bit as electrifying as the train wreck itself. Leslie Jamison deftly excavates the stories we tell about addiction--both her own and others'--and examines what we want these stories to do and what happens when they fail us. All the while, she offers a fascinating look at the larger history of the recovery movement, and at the complicated bearing that race and class have on our understanding of who is criminal and who is ill. At the heart of the book is Jamison's ongoing conversation with literary and artistic geniuses whose lives and works were shaped by alcoholism and substance dependence, including John Berryman, Jean Rhys, Billie Holiday, Raymond Carver, Denis Johnson, and David Foster Wallace, as well as brilliant lesser-known figures such as George Cain, lost to obscurity but newly illuminated here. Through its unvarnished relation of Jamison's own ordeals, The Recovering also becomes a book about a different kind of dependency: the way our desires can make us all, as she puts it, "broken spigots of need." It's about the particular loneliness of the human experience-the craving for love that both devours us and shapes who we are. For her striking language and piercing observations, Jamison has been compared to such iconic writers as Joan Didion and Susan Sontag, yet her utterly singular voice also offers something new. With enormous empathy and wisdom, Jamison has given us nothing less than the story of addiction and recovery in America writ large, a definitive and revelatory account that will resonate for years to come.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

Author: Sherman Alexie

Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

ISBN: 0316219304

Category: Young Adult Fiction

Page: 272

View: 814

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Bestselling author Sherman Alexie tells the story of Junior, a budding cartoonist growing up on the Spokane Indian Reservation. Determined to take his future into his own hands, Junior leaves his troubled school on the rez to attend an all-white farm town high school where the only other Indian is the school mascot. Heartbreaking, funny, and beautifully written, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, which is based on the author's own experiences, coupled with poignant drawings by Ellen Forney that reflect the character's art, chronicles the contemporary adolescence of one Native American boy as he attempts to break away from the life he was destined to live. With a forward by Markus Zusak, interviews with Sherman Alexie and Ellen Forney, and four-color interior art throughout, this edition is perfect for fans and collectors alike.

The Glass Castle

A Memoir

Author: Jeannette Walls

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1439156964

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 288

View: 8451

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The child of an alcoholic father and an eccentric artist mother discusses her family's nomadic upbringing, during which she and her siblings fended for themselves while their parents outmaneuvered bill collectors and the authorities.

Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power

Author: Terri Apter

Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company

ISBN: 0393081028

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 238

View: 2156

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Describes the five different types of difficult mothers, explains how adults can still suffer from negative relationships with their mothers, and how people can overcome the challenges of their complex feelings.

Sh*tty Mom

The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Author: Laurie Kilmartin,Karen Moline,Alicia Ybarbo,Mary Ann Zoellner

Publisher: Abrams

ISBN: 161312399X

Category: Humor

Page: 176

View: 8367

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Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as “How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend” and “When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby,” as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny book for the sh*tty parent in all of us. Praise for Sh*tty Mom: “A totally hilarious and uncensored look at some of the impossible situations we mothers find ourselves in.” —TheBump.com “Smartly, brashly, nearly criminally funny. It also—no small thing—carries a powerful message to all parents, but especially moms, that distilled to its essence is this: chill.” —Time.com “As the attachment parenting craze has hit a zenith in American culture, four very funny moms—comedy writers, TV producers, and a novelist—blast open a long-locked safe filled with frustrations faced by all modern mothers, with sympathetic and sharp humor. . . . The authors’ unfiltered candor is a welcome reminder for readers that they're not alone. . . .” —Publishers Weekly starred review “Both funny and practical.” —Brooklyn Based.net "Hilariously entertaining. A must-read survivor's guide for every mother!" --Christy Turlington Burns, founder of Every Mother Counts “Finally, Sh*tty Mom does for motherhood what Chelsea Handler does for female scatology. It’s a long overdue little burst of honesty from the supposed minority of mothers who are, in fact, not that maternal. . . . After a generation of supermoms one-upping each other in dead earnest on playgrounds and schoolyards, the emerging mass appeal of Sh*tty Mom is a welcome relief.” —The New York Observer "Witty, wise, and wicked! With tongue planted firmly in cheek, these savvy moms dispense some much needed comic relief about raising kids in our crazy culture."? --Dr. Harvey Karp, bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block “The most inappropriate parenting book I've ever read. Loved it. The perfect book for any mother who wants to laugh instead of cry at those cringe-worthy moments and the universal indignities we experience on a daily basis.” --Jessica Seinfeld, bestselling cookbook author and founder of Baby Buggy “An antidote to the hostage situation that is modern parenting…subversive, delicious, and spit-out-your-latte funny.” --Pamela Druckerman, bestselling author of Bringing Up Bebe