That's Not What I Meant!

How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062210114

Category: Psychology

Page: 224

View: 6917

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At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts. Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals—voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose—are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored—but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood. At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.

Conversational Style

Analyzing Talk among Friends

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Oxford University Press

ISBN: 019988515X

Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

Page: 272

View: 4567

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This revised edition of Deborah Tannen's first discourse analysis book, Conversational Style--first published in 1984--presents an approach to analyzing conversation that later became the hallmark and foundation of her extensive body of work in discourse analysis, including the monograph Talking Voices, as well as her well-known popular books You Just Don't Understand, That's Not What I Meant!, and Talking from 9 to 5, among others. Carefully examining the discourse of six speakers over the course of a two-and-a-half hour Thanksgiving dinner conversation, Tannen analyzes the features that make up the speakers' conversational styles, and in particular how aspects of what she calls a 'high-involvement style' have a positive effect when used with others who share the style, but a negative effect with those whose styles differ. This revised edition includes a new preface and an afterword in which Tannen discusses the book's place in the evolution of her work. Conversational Style is written in an accessible and non-technical style that should appeal to scholars and students of discourse analysis (in fields like linguistics, anthropology, communication, sociology, and psychology) as well as general readers fascinated by Tannen's popular work. This book is an ideal text for use in introductory classes in linguistics and discourse analysis.

I Only Say This Because I Love You

Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Random House Digital, Inc.

ISBN: 0345407520

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 336

View: 8748

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A guide to communicating better within families explains how to untie the knots that often hamper important discussions and how to enhance personal relationships among family members by understanding the art of conversation and listening.

You're Wearing That?

Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 9781588365217

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 288

View: 6050

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Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship. It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves? Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship. With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives. “Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a "self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations." – The San Francisco Chronicle From the Hardcover edition.

Talking Voices

Repetition, Dialogue, and Imagery in Conversational Discourse

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Cambridge University Press

ISBN: 1139463365

Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

Page: N.A

View: 883

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Written in readable, vivid, non-technical prose, this book, first published in 2007, presents the highly respected scholarly research that forms the foundation for Deborah Tannen's best-selling books about the role of language in human relationships. It provides a clear framework for understanding how ordinary conversation works to create meaning and establish relationships. A significant theoretical and methodological contribution to both linguistic and literary analysis, it uses transcripts of tape-recorded conversation to demonstrate that everyday conversation is made of features that are associated with literary discourse: repetition, dialogue, and details that create imagery. This second edition features a new introduction in which the author shows the relationship between this groundbreaking work and the research that has appeared since its original publication in 1989. In particular, she shows its relevance to the contemporary topic 'intertextuality', and provides a useful summary of research on that topic.

You Were Always Mom's Favorite!

Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Random House Digital, Inc.

ISBN: 0345496973

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 256

View: 2015

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Explores the connections among sisters throughout their childhood years into adulthood, including competitiveness, age differences, and lifelong friendships.

Language Shock

Understanding The Culture Of Conversation

Author: Michael Agar

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0688149499

Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

Page: 284

View: 6500

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A linguistic anthropologist takes readers on a personal and humorous journey through language, showing them how to understand differences between cultures, while using anecdotes from his own experiences in foreign lands

You're the Only One I Can Tell

Inside the Language of Women's Friendships

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 1101885807

Category: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

Page: 276

View: 4997

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Through research into the unique way women talk to one another, this analysis of female friendship may help women lean into the comfort these powerful relationships offer and avoid the hurt feelings that come from common miscommunications.

What About Me?

Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship

Author: Jane Greer

Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.

ISBN: 1402242980

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 240

View: 380

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"Am I with the most selfish person alive?" "Am I being selfish when I do the things I want to do?" "If you loved me, you would..." The battle of what "I want" versus what "you want" is intense. Couples are in a constant tug of war, squabbling with each other with no regard for their partner's feelings, with great guilt over their own perceived selfishness, or feeling somewhere in between. And it's costing us our relationships. What About Me? will guide readers through the new terrain of relationships in this era of entitlement, showing how selfishness plays a role and helping you better understand what being selfish really is. Learn to: see beyond what you perceive as selfish requests-your partner's and your own conquer the selfish hot spots that flare up in your relationship understand all the differences, fears, and preferences that come between couples Through anecdotes and quizzes, and drawing from Dr. Jane Greer's more than twenty years of experience in relationship counseling, What About Me? will teach readers what's reasonable to expect of themselves and their partners, equip them with the tools to move from "me" to "we," and get them back on track to happily ever after. "Finally, a simply put yet deeply resonating guide to help us eliminate toxic messages that feed into our relationships! Keep What About Me? next to your bedside and get what you need, immediately!" -Emme, supermodel "What About Me? unabashedly digs deeply into the origins of conflict in relationships and paves the way for resolution, healing, and happiness. This is a book that will serve all of us well." -David Perlmutter, MD, author of Power Up Your Brain: The Neuroscience of Enlightenment

It's Not what You Sign, It's how You Sign it

Politeness in American Sign Language

Author: Jack Hoza

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: N.A

Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

Page: 235

View: 7591

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Hoza uses variables in how English speakers and native ASL signers express politeness as a comparison of the two language communities’ styles.

You Just Don't Understand

Women and Men in Conversation

Author: Deborah Tannen

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062210092

Category: Psychology

Page: 352

View: 5584

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From the author of New York Times bestseller You're Wearing That? this bestselling classic work draws upon groundbreaking research by an acclaimed sociolinguist to show that women and men live in different worlds, made of different words. Women and men live in different worlds...made of different words. Spending nearly four years on the New York Times bestseller list, including eight months at number one, You Just Don't Understand is a true cultural and intellectual phenomenon. This is the book that brought gender differences in ways of speaking to the forefront of public awareness. With a rare combination of scientific insight and delightful, humorous writing, Tannen shows why women and men can walk away from the same conversation with completely different impressions of what was said. Studded with lively and entertaining examples of real conversations, this book gives you the tools to understand what went wrong -- and to find a common language in which to strengthen relationships at work and at home. A classic in the field of interpersonal relations, this book will change forever the way you approach conversations.

How Language Works

How Babies Babble, Words Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die

Author: David Crystal

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 110121581X

Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

Page: 512

View: 9815

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Steven Pinker meets Bill Bryson in this landmark exploration of language. In the author's own words, "How Language Works is not about music, cookery, or sex. But it is about how we talk about music, cookery, and sex-or, indeed, anything at all." Language is so fundamental to everyday life that we take it for granted. But as David Crystal makes clear in this work of unprecedented scope, language is an extremely powerful tool that defines the human species. Crystal offers general readers a personal tour of the intricate workings of language. He moves effortlessly from big subjects like the origins of languages, how children learn to speak, and how conversation works to subtle but revealing points such as how email differs from both speech and writing in important ways, how language reveals a person's social status, and how we decide whether a word is rude or polite. Broad and deep, but with a light and witty touch, How Language Works is the ultimate layman's guide to how we communicate with one another.

Politics

Books V and VI

Author: Aristotle,David Keyt

Publisher: Oxford University Press

ISBN: 9780198235361

Category: Philosophy

Page: 265

View: 9194

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Books V and VI of Aristotle's Politics constitute a manual on practical politics. In the fifth book Aristotle examines the causes of faction and constitutional change and suggests remedies for political instability. In the sixth book he offers practical advice to the statesman who wishes to establish, preserve, or reform a democracy or an oligarchy. He discusses many political issues, theoretical and practical, which are still widely debated today--revolution and reform, democracy and tyranny, freedom and equality. David Keyt presents a clear and accurate new translation of these books, together with a commentary which, though primarily philosophical, also supplies a key to Aristotle's many historical references. It is intended to guide readers towards a proper understanding of this classic text in the history of political thought, and does not assumes knowledge of Greek or of ancient history and politics.

The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution

A Practitioner's Guide

Author: Bernard Mayer

Publisher: John Wiley & Sons

ISBN: 0470932465

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 288

View: 8182

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This empowering guide goes beyond observable techniques to offer a close look at the creative internal processes--both cognitive and psychological--that successful mediators and other conflict resolvers draw upon.

Created for Connection

The "Hold Me Tight" Guide for Christian Couples

Author: Sue Johnson,Kenneth Sanderfer

Publisher: Little, Brown

ISBN: 0316307408

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 336

View: 8124

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"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."--1 John 4:8 Are you looking to enrich a healthy relationship, revitalize a tired one, or rescue one gone awry? Do you yearn to grow closer to God, and to further incorporate Him and His teachings into your marriage? We all want a lifetime of love, support, and faith. But sometimes we need a little help. Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and "the best couple therapist in the world," according to bestselling relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. In CREATED FOR CONNECTION, Dr. Johnson and Kenneth Sanderfer, a leading EFT practitioner in the Christian community, share Johnson's groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships not only between partners, but between us and God. The message of CREATED FOR CONNECTION is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, or making grand romantic gestures. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent, and we are on the Heavenly Father, for nurturing, soothing, and protection. The way to enhance or save our relationships with each other and with God is to be open, attuned, responsive, and to reestablish safe emotional connection. Filled with Bible verses, inspiring real-life stories, and guidance, CREATED FOR CONNECTION will ensure a lifetime of love.

Reclaiming Conversation

The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

Author: Sherry Turkle

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 0143109790

Category: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

Page: 448

View: 2983

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Preeminent author and researcher Sherry Turkle has been studying digital culture for over thirty years. Long an enthusiast for its possibilities, here she investigates a troubling consequence: that we have stopped having face-to-face conversation in favour of technological connections such as texts or emails. Based on five years of research and interviews in homes, schools and the workplace, Turkle argues here that we now have a better understanding of this phenomenon, and that going forward, it's time we reclaim conversation, the most human thing that we do.

If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?

My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating

Author: Alan Alda

Publisher: Relating to and Communicating with Others

ISBN: 0812989147

Category: Interpersonal communication

Page: 213

View: 2477

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The beloved actor shares fascinating and powerful lessons from the science of communication, and teaches readers to improve the way they relate to others using improv games, storytelling, and their own innate mind-reading abilities. With his trademark humor and frankness, Alan Alda explains what makes the out-of-the-box techniques he developed after his years as the host of Scientific American Frontiersso effective. This book reveals what it means to be a true communicator, and how we can communicate better, in every aspect of our lives-with our friends, lovers, and families, with our doctors, in business settings, and beyond.

The Five Love Languages

How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Author: Gary Chapman

Publisher: Northfield Press

ISBN: 9788186775097

Category: Communication in marriage

Page: 203

View: 9101

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Explores the all-important languages of love, helping each partner discover which actions are interpreted by the other as loving and affirming, and which as indifferent and demeaning. With study guide.